So Easily Deletable

Why am I so easily deletable??

What terrible deed did I commit in a past life to now be treated this way?

I have tried to accept others no matter their differences

I have tried to be a good friend

I have tried to show and prove to others how much I care

So why this…

Why this constant torment and never-ending pain?

Why this constant degradation

Why am I constantly left to feel inferior and worthless?

I know I have issues and I act stupidly sometimes.

I know I talk too much but truly are those really so bad that everyone around me forgets me when I’m not there?

Why am I so easily deletable?

My greatest desire is to be loved...

How pathetic is that...

Others want princes and jewels

Palaces and fast cars and all I want is someone who wants my heart

I’m so tired of being worthless so tired of being unwanted

I am alone

I am constantly alone

There is no one who truly knows me, and I can honestly say that because no one knows how worthless I feel

No one knows how lonely I am or how unwanted I’m made to feel

I am screaming inside my screams are so loud they are ripping me to shreds.

And no one knows this because the truth is no one really cares enough to look

There is no point to life if you have no one to share it with, no one who gets your madness and understands your highs and lows.no one to joke you out of the bad and dance with you for the good. No one to say yes you’re completely cracked but I love you anyway...

So my life holds no meaning since not even the one I first gave my heart to felt even half of that for me, how pathetic does that make me…

Why am I so easily deletable? And why can’t it work the same for me?

Why can’t I move on like people don’t exist…like I never cared…why can’t I be the one making others feel worthless for a change?

I’m so tired of being the reject, the one no one wants

I stand and look around and even those that are unhappy in love are better off than me, because happy or not at least they have someone, I can’t even find someone I want, willing to date me let alone put up with my craziness and love me..

Forget Coach Carters Thoughts, my greatest fear is that I am inadequate

Inadequate to be loved, to be accepted, if I am too different for this world then why am I here ? What is the point??If no one will ever get me then why is love the one thing I hold most dear...why do I want love if no one can ever love me?

I am pointless.

One might say that every life has a purpose that we all hold meaning, but I am standing at the edge and begging for release

I have never seen the journeys path I merely followed the wind. But now I am standing here and the winds not blowing and still I cannot see.

Truthfully I cannot do it anymore,I have tried, I have been friends to those that are different to me, I have tried to love unashamedly, but I am not accepted. I have never been loved, and that hurts me most of all...

My life holds no meaning without love and I am constantly going without

So tired of the hey ya you’re great and sexy but talkative and crazy and no just friends. And no sorry not gonna happen. I’m chasing dreams holding onto a hope that everyone has a true love that’s meant to be. And right about now reality just caught up with me.

So again I say why am I so easily deletable...

When no one I know and love has ever been deleted by me?

For Those That Remember...

I wrote about love once
how it beautifully began
the way it made me feel
and then with tears streaming down my face
I wrote of the end.
In a World of fake my one truth is this
Love is Beautiful
It's special
And Vday is the day we celebrate what we feel
But there is also always those that celebrate the end
The hard,cold ,final end,When hope no longer remains
And after the end,Vday is just not so grand anymore
for most its the memories.
the echoes of happiness that faintly whisper in the back of the mind
reminding one that once,
once there was joy and love
and then there came the end
Remember...
This day is for those with the memories of truth
where their Love will always remain Safe.
NeverTrulyEnding.
Loving Endlessly <3

Wishes

So many Eyelashes..
Countless shooting stars
Wishbones,
Birthday candles,
Prayers
And more
I feel I simply cannot wish anymore
There is no magic chances
No answered dreams galore
Its merely me wishing wishes
And wishing to have to no more..

Suicide

The knife was there
The blade so sharp
My wrist lay bare and inviting
One little slit
Is all it took
To leave this world
Without fighting.
They think me weak,
Perhaps I am.
But they didn't have to feel it...
The endless struggle
The ever pain
My hope was just depleted.
So yes I did it
I truthfully admit
Perhaps some courage was all it took
I left this world
No long Goodbye
No see you soon
I broke your heart regardless
It wasn't you I left
It wasn't even me..
Perhaps I died so long ago
I doubt I'd even known
But when I made the slit
For a moment the world,
It parted..
And I regretted every missed
And beautiful moment I'm not part of.
My sadness shall remain.
But for you I wish much more.
There was no hope for me,as hope was there no more.
But within you lies a future..
A journey to be taken
Do not be the coward I was
I wish your hope is never shaken.
Live my love for me
As I am here no more..
But from my journeys end
I hope you learn much more
That life is neverending
Even when the goodbyes are left unsaid.
Its harder once its started.
But so worth it in the end

She..

She does not understand
That she truly holds command
Her smiles her sneers her tears
All make me show my hand.
Perhaps I am the puppet
And her the puppeteer
But if she'd only love me
I'd bend my head in cheer..

Nightly Shadows

Sometimes when I'm awake and alone at night
I whisper words to soothe
I tell myself a story
And hope no fears intrude
I dream of far off places
Of princely knights and Castles.
Sometimes I sing out loud
To drown out all the shadows
It doesn't work that often
But when it does I'm saved
For my nightly shadows often leave me so afraid..

Journeys End

Through the darkness I have walked.
Many Shadows have I fought
Battles lost and won.
Places and people,been and gone
The journey wasn't easy
It wasn't even ok
It was a struggles,struggle
An unnamed war for me to bear
But I arrived victorious
Finally enveloped in light,
Where no shadows dwell
And battles are faintly remembered.
The places are for keeps
And the people here to stay
The journeys finally over
The Destination is here :)