Uncaring

All around me the world is moving

twisting and turning,

Dragging me along in its wake

Right beside me people are dying,crying,abused everyday

While others look on and pretend not to see.

Time has no authority here

No voice to break the cacophany

of screams

There is no end to it and its reality,

No pause to ease the suffering.

Time is observed but not heeded

Abuse is recognized but Ignored

No voice seems loud enough to penetrate the iron curtain of pretense

no moment significant enough to alter the outcome

All around me the world moves on

Not caring who gets left in its wake.

There is no end...

My Best Friend Is Me

So today I'm just gonna write down the first thing that pops into my head, as I write which is what I'm writing now.... lol

The beauty of this is that it can actually help reveal what we have plaguing our minds,

With the release comes clarity...

So even though I'm not actually sure where this note will end up the truth is I don't actually care I'm typing straight off my mind letting the words flow out of me on their own accord and with each letter I type I feel as if a little more of me is released into the world (In a good way of course)

I love to write it’s as if my writing understands me...It’s the friend I turn to when the whole world seems to be against me...My confidant...My ally...My best friend...Which when you come to think about it really means that I am my own best friend...

And no I don’t find that sad or bizarre who could I trust more than myself??

If one really thinks about it being one’s own best friend has some serious advantages...

Complete Trust and Honesty

Faithfulness and Support...

Reliability....

We would never let ourselves down or betray ourselves in anyway...

In reality it’s the perfect solution...so when you look in the mirror and think you're alone in reality you're not...

You're with your best friend and as such your best friends the best coz they're there with you always...

So when you need to talk to your best friend I advise that you take a piece of paper and begin as such-

Dear Best Friend....

Then simply let whatever plagues you flow out onto the paper...and at the end of your letter you will find that writing to your best friend will have brought you clarity and perhaps even a reply...

It doesn’t matter if you don't believe me or think it’s crazy...My best friend thinks you stupid for believing so!! :)

I am my own best friend and that does not mean I'm friendless it simply means at the end of the day I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can trust myself more than anyone else on Earth, and yes My best Friend and I sometimes do stupid things and regret them the next day but we never fail to learn from our mistakes and at least we did them together :)

My best friends not the type to jump off a bridge and say follow nigga follow. My best friend will stand beside me holding my hand screaming let’s do this shit :) lol

I think we're lucky when we learn to trust ourselves first..!

Coz how can we hope to trust others when we can’t even trust ourselves??

Trust begins from within...

• I trust myself to do crazy shit but to always try to learn from my mistakes...
• To never intentionally harm myself or others...
• To try to always be honest with myself..
• To love myself for who I really am and not pretend to be someone I'm not!
• To try to ascertain when I deserve more than whatever I'm receiving..
• To stand up for myself...
• To protect myself from harm...
• And to always remember my own worth.

If I can do all this for myself then I will always be happy.

And the people in my life will learn from my example.

My best Friend is Me :)

And that’s awesome. Coz me trusting me means I'm ready to trust you too...

*Trust is such a small word, That so many take it for granted as if its diminutive form in anyway relates to its importance, without trust we have nothing, In any relationship we enter into, it is a necessary requirement whether that be between Parent and Child or even Employer and Employee. We all need to be able to trust each other. Only with trust can we hope to proceed.... So trust first from within and then you'll be better equipped to trust others. *

~Live, Love, Be Happy~

.....Alone....

I dont wanna talk,
I dont wanna write,
I dont wanna act out
all that is wrong.
Wanna sit in my room
with my radio on,
blaring my music from song to song.
Don't interupt or communicate at all.
This is my time
to forget all the world.
So leave me alone
don't even wave
as I do just what I want..
in my own special way
wallowing in silence
while listening to songs
thinking of things that sadly went wrong..

*Sometimes we just need time alone to assimilate all that goes on in our lives...it's not a bad thing and sometimes withdrawing from public can bring one clarity.in the end its often necessary to the moving on and healing process.. *

~Cherished~

 Its been so long now who can even remember how it all began??
We lived through Sorrow,Joy,Happiness and pain
Spent years learning the ins and outs of each other..
Throughout my life,You've been my constant
My never failing source of peace, Of strength and Love
The very reason it all began
Fortified and strengthened
Loved and cherished by you...

Beautifully loved always by you..

And so its no wonder I cherish you too

*For Naldo and Jenna*

Family Weekend away

My Latest Hairdo :)

Mind over Matter

Imagine if we wrote down every little thought that came into our minds would we become an open book or merely a parrot of our own minds...
Would our minds lead us instead of our hearts??
who then would be the master..
Who would be calling the shots...
Me or my Mind...??

*I think that sometimes we Get to overrule our minds when our heart or our own impulses compels us too...We are the Masters of Our World!*

Perfectly Imperfect Just like me

I have a ring that was almost stolen and due to its brief abduction it consequently lost one of its diamonds, which of course obviously pissed me off.Until I realised that my Ring was now Perfectly Imperfect Just Like Me..
We all have our flaws that we prefer to Hide and I could of hidden My Ring away always regretting the missing diamond and thereby spiting myself the joy of simply appreciating what I have left.But I actually realised that like me My Ring has its flaw/s but its beauty remains nonetheless
So missing diamond and all My Ring is here to stay and be seen Just like I'm still here..
..Perfectly Imperfect.. Always.....

Monday 13-06-2011

Its Monday.....
I am currently suffering...
practically in silence!
Since the reason I'm suffering is due to the fact that I can barely speak..
And I'm feeling ill :( *Sigh*
To top it off I am currently at work how unfair is that??? again *Sigh*
So let me skim through my weekend...
I went to Durban to visit my friends.and had a pretty quiet Friday evening went to Cuba lounge at Gateway and met up with 2 of my favorite people Dazz and Kitt :) yay
oh and Ryan.....oooops.....lol
chilled with them for a bit doing a catch up and then went home to sleep...
Saturday had a pretty relaxed day did my hair and then went and chilled with my friend Kita for most of the afternoon before going back home to get ready for the evening
spent a few hours chatting with my friend and old roomate before leaving to meet up with my friend Johnnie and his gf as we had plans to go out coz it was his birthday on Sunday..
Ended up going to the club and as usual I danced all night...
met up with a few friends in the club and partied all night johnnie and his gf ended up leaving early and i stayed and carried on partying with the cousin of a friend of mine that I just met on Saturday His name is Ali and he's really nice and we got on welll...We ended up partyin till about half 5-6 before heading to steers to get something to eat.his friend Ash joined us.was nice I love meeting new people :) anyway i got home at about 6:45 was so bugged tired i couldnt even jump into bed and tried to get to sleep but everyone decided to contact me really early starting with my sis phonin me around 8am i nearly died from that :( ay and then everyone fb messaged me :( *Sigh* less then 4hrs sleep and I had to still drive back home which is just over an hour away lets just say i wanted to sleep and drive!! :( ay
So I had a really awesome time but am completely bugged and need to recuperate for next week ;) lol and I have no voice which was missing from the time I woke up yesterday or rather gave up trying to sleep....lol
But anyway thats my weekend in a nutshell.... lol i know I'm crazy but I love it :)
lol mwahs

Life Reviewed

My Visitor of Yesterday only made it in Today and after a fairly nice chat he asked for my no so that he could invite me out for a drink sometime and also mentioned they were planning a barbecue/braai soon...
when mentioning this to my friends.... the psycho's all got excited and started saying i should go out with him etc... lol no control really 8o lol hahaha but anyway i could see they were al happy for me to be meeting someone nice and new and different but I don't want people to assume that its going anywhere coz odds are it won't it was just a friendly invite from a guy new to a country and missing his home...Simple!! lol
Super excited about work plans my bosses have decided to purchase a program for my sole use to design the interiors of kitchens and bedrooms so I shall deal with that side of the business since they don't have any time due to dealing with the construction side of things,,,...,,,So i'm really looking forward to it..
On a more annoyed note someone irritated me just now and it made me realise something...
about friendship,life and love...
If you are not willing to work as hard as I will then I will no longer work at all...!!
I refuse to be the poor fool constantly trying while the world sits back and watches my struggles..
I have finally gotten to a point in my life where i realised i deserve and should receive more and now i won't accept less!!
and so if all you have is a miserly piece of yourself to share with me well then save it for the next fool...
coz without you sharing with me I aint sharing nada with you!!
And i'm happy to reach that conclusion finally its about damn time.... :) lol
*ps this is only for those i actually wanna share with....lol if we not sharing or caring well then whose worried?? :) lols mwahs
My heart is Protected by the Experiences of my Past!

A Visitor....

As I write this I am currently expecting a customer at work Originally from Lithuania
He's on his way to collect an invoice I made for work he wants my company to do for him..
He's in South Africa working for Doctors without Borders,,
He seems nice but it's so strange cause he's saved my work no under my name and everytime I call him he answers saying hello Sasha... lol
its a little bizarre,,knocked the wind out of my usual proffessional greetin the first time it happened...lol
now on a bizarre note his imminent arrival had me...touching up my hair and make up...
yes I repeat touching up my hair and make up....
I know...-so embarrassing....lol
But anyway I don't think its attraction coz I'm not really sure I am attracted to him...
I think its more the wanting to appear to my best advantage especially since he likes to talk to me and is aware that my name is actually Russian :) lol so few people actually know this..which is sad...
Also its correct pronounciation is actually Saasha... so far only my American friend Will and now my Lithuanian friend Andrius pronounce it as such....
Anyway so I'm sticking to the wanting to appear presentable as my reason for embarrassing touch ups of today.... lol
Ok its probably official now from this that I'm crazy.... lol but oh well who cares my life has become interesting and fun :) and since I love to travel whose to say I won't end up visiting Lithuania.....lol
Life's about Opportunities and possibilities....
Try not to miss them... :)
lol mwahs
Will probably keep you posted............ hahahahahahaahaha lol

FulL oF Life

Why is it that at Funerals you'll always hear the people say of the deceased
'They were so full of life "
as if being full of life accounts for why they're no longer alive....??
Seriously shall we all then be dull and boring ??
Shall we then live longer??
LoL
Coz its always those that are so full of life that seem to leave early...
perhaps they used up to much of their life being so full of life....
but seriously when have you ever heard anyone at a funeral say that the deceased was lacking in life??
lol it's an intriguing concept....
thats all i'm saying....
lol
but anyway how would one even go about being lacking in life??
lol
Google here I come :)
hahahaha lols

Definition

I often like to look for the defintion to any given situation
but how often does defining something detract from the overall reality of it??
Am I a seeker of definition or its creator..??
And does merely defining something limit it..
Or Expand its Potential??
Could one Proceed without Definition??
Are We simply the Definition of a life in this World??
Perhaps Definition does limit us...
Or perhaps it simply reveals what we never believed...
That theres no Simplistic Definition for one such as You and Me...

Inspiration

Are you Inspired??
Or are you the Inspiration..?
Life is about Inspiration..
Either find your Inspiration
or be the one to Inspire...

Time

Do not mourn for too long
on what was lost...
Or you may end up losing out
on whats to come...

The Script-Nothing lyrics

 [Verse 1]
Am I better off dead
Am I better off a quitter
They say I'm better off now
Then I ever was with her
As they take me to my local down the street
I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet

They say a few drinks will help me to forget her
But after one too many I know that I'm never
Only they can see where this is gonna end
But they all think I'm crazy but to me it's perfect sense

[Chorus]
And my mates are all there trying to calm me down
'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town
I'm swearing if I go there now
I can change her mind turn it all around

I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words,
And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred,
So I dialed her number and confessed to her,
I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing (nothing, nothing...)

[Verse 2]
So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences
I know I'm with her face to face, that she'll come to her senses
Every drunk step and path leads me to her door
If she sees how much I'm hurting
She'll take me back for sure

[Chorus]
And my mates are all there trying to calm me down
'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town
I'm swearing if I go there now
I can change her mind turn it all around
I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words,
And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred,
So I dialed her number and confessed to her,
I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing (nothing, nothing...)
She said nothing (nothing nothing)
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing
Oh I got nothing
Nothing
I got nothing
Nothing
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing

[Verse 3]
Oh sometimes love's intoxicating
Oh you're coming down your hands are shaking
When you realise there's no one waiting

Am I better off dead
Am I better off a quitter
They say I'm better off now
Than I ever was with her

[Chorus]
And my mates are all there trying to calm me down
'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town
I'm swearing if I go there now
I can change her mind turn it all around

I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words,
And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred,
So I dialed her number and confess to her,
I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing (nothing, nothing...)
She said nothing (Nothing, nothing...)
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing
Oh I got nothing (Nothing, nothing...)
I got nothing (Nothing, nothing...)
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing
Oh I got nothing (Nothing, nothing...)
I got nothing, I got nothing

Freedom of Writing

I write as if the words are the windows to my soul

as if my thoughts and feelings can no longer be contained.

they stream out of me as if their release will bring me clarity.

and perhaps its true..

perhaps what I write reveals more then I really knew

not only for me but for you too..

whatever the reason,all I know is this..

my words are my own

I do not seek your attention nor a Throne

I simply speak of what lies within

whether you like it or not

its more then a whim!!

so I will keep writing as long as I feel

or until my words no longer flow..

Either or its not about score

to me my writing is not a joke

so like it or not its here to stay.!

And thats all I'm going to say!

Sails to Destiny

I looked at a picture of myself and I saw the scars and the battles,
the sadly remembered pain
But through my tears I'm smiling
and I,
Will feel no shame
For what was,what is and what will be...
Was never completely my domain
I am a ship upon the sea
And freely I'll admit,,
that for a while you had control
But thats no longer true
coz now I am the captain
the leader of this sea
and truthully it scares me
coz now my sails are me..

*We all end up wherever we allow ourselves to sail-We are the sails to our own destiny*

Truth

I have my imperfections and I have not escaped some pain..But truthfully i'm moving and I'd do it all again

Welcome to Me

i don't do drugs smoke or drink, i am a blood donar but my irons been very low for the last few months so havent donated for a while. i signed up to be an organ donar while livin in england should i die,not sure where to sign here in SA. i'd willingly shave my head for cancer since its one of my biggest fears and high risk factor for me... my moms had it twice my dads sis died from it as well as both my grandfathers and my moms sis has had a hysterectomy and now has cancer in her stomach and who knows where else... i check my breast every week fearful of finding a lump... i read alot-fiction novels.romances sci fi's i'm in love with vampires :$ lol i love dancing and normally when at a club thats where you'll find me on the dance floor,i love books music tv and movies and yes its different coz i know not many people like it all but i do... lol i'm eclectic in music tastes from classic to blues to r&b and i love eminem ;) lol and i'm a complete chocoholic chocolate makes the world better ;) lol i dont drink coffee or coke and rarely drink tea but have been recently coz my office is freaking cold.. i love to drink pepsi when i drive distances coz the caffeine in it keeps me awake and i love havin sweeets in my car when i drive like suckers streamers etc oh and i love nougat.and chocolate cake is my fav.. lol.i have never nor will ever eat tripe,hate liver and am highly fussy about my eating habits i wont eat food leftover 2 days after it was first cooked,i have weird compulsive issues about some stuff and am highly paranoid about food bein off ,if my mind believes th bread is stale or milk is off i can't bring myself to eat them. its weird i know lol but i literally cant do it.i hate people puttin their fingers in my food and wont eat it if they do it even puts me off eating... lmao ok theres loads more but that should keep you busy for a while... hahahahahaha welcome to the crazy messed up world of Sasha :) lol mwahs oh and i wear contact lenses i'm seriously blind... lol but its cool coz my eyes make up for it by changin colour ;) lol from brown to green and everythin in between :) lol