It goes away

It goes away you know...
The strength it takes to move on...
it goes away...
not completely...
The trust issue will always be there but the strength of that decision will weaken...
when you home alone and all you wanna do is turn and hold and talk to your ex...
it goes away...
but when it does remember this..
if it was meant to work it really would not have been as hard as it was..
you would not have been hurt so much in it if it was right..
and that though you miss them..
Eventually they'll miss you more...
coz you deserve better and you will get it once you learn not to settle for less
It goes away...
But like them you need to learn to let it.
and eventually the pain and loss
it to goes away...

Not just a pretty face

A note to people larger than me

Yes some may say my ass is skinny,some may even agree
And yes I may eat what i want and binge to a certain degree
without the fear of gaining weight or dreaded issues with clothes..
but the truth of the matter is my friend and surely you'll agree
that one day you'll be much more luckier than me..

For though my ass is skinny and shopping is a dream..
what people see when they look at me isnt my heart or my grace..
It's my skinny ass and my face...

So while you may one day find and marry your very perfect plan..
my poor future man......
will fall for my ass and face and then consequently watch them lose the race
when time and age makes clear to all why inside beauty is worth more than Gold!

So dwell not on my skinny ass or face for neither will remain
when life intrudes upon their beauty no beauty shall remain...
So spare a thought next time my friend for what you may perceive
i may have the body and the face but you will win this race..
for while my outside beauty attracts so many...
very few shall actually remain...
when beauty leaves my ass and face so to shall all the rest

But with your inner grace and beauty you shall find the best.
for faithfulness is never attracted to just an ass or a face
So take heed and witness your victory in this race
When you find he who loves you best
 forgetting all the rest
never caring for ass or face instead supports you through the race.

*You my Friend Are Lucky* and jealous of you I am....

Stolen

It's Gone....
It was something I never knew I had
A Gift I didn't really get to open or give to someone on my own
My present so beautifully hidden
I hadn't known about it until it was gone.
So fragile and precious was my Gift that as soon as it was taken it broke...
Leaving me with not only the realisation of what i'd had..
But the fact that i had it no longer
My Gift was Special...
It was meant to be treasured but was not..
And now i treasure the memory of it's loss as if holding onto my gifts theft would keep my gift with me always..
but the memory only keeps the pain of loss alive and strong..
My Gift was special in its innocence
special in its beauty..
But its theft was not!
And holding onto it only reminds me off my loss..
So though its hard...
and so though it almost kills me
I release my loss from my memory..
I will never forget my Gift and that it was stolen..
But i refuse to let the thief take anymore from me...
So take what you took thief and plague me no longer!!
you cannot have my soul...!

Silence

Its as if the world is paused
No movement
No sound..
Not even a whisper..
As if everything and everyone is waitin..
Expecting..
Something...
For me its different..
I don't feel expectant...
Nor am I patiently waitin..
I find this pause hard..
I don't exactly fear it.
But it shows me reality..
And the truth is I fear that...
Its not Golden
Or peaceful
Its quiet and lonely!

Walkers licence

So the start of my morning the other day was interrupted on my drive to work by a retarded individual who decided to walk across into my lane while looking the other way 8o can anyone explain to me why it is there are so many idiotic pedestrians on the road.....?? as he was not the first in recent weeks in fact theres been at least 2 a week!! which is a rather high no when you think of it
I say they should create a licence to be allowed to walk on the roads and that you have to take a test and everything and only once you'd passed would you be able to walk on roads...
and for those without the licence...they should hide and walk through bushes and on side roads...
honestly perhaps if they created a test less idiots would then be knocked or killed.!!
only children are exempt from this of course,
And drunk drivers are always the guilty party!!! there is no excuse!!
Either then that licence the bums!!!
oh and do you know he had the nerve to say thank you for havin hooted and stopped to alert him to his imminent danger!!! the Dick!!!
Anyway i didnt knock him so my car is fine and hence he lived to see another day...lol

Fear of the known

If one really knew ones destiny would we head straight for it as if charging into battle or steer cautiously away from where we now know we're heading....??

They say we fear the unknown but i think thats incorrect i think the truth is we fear the known.
kids are afraid to look under their beds not because they don't know whats there but because they suspect what may be and thats what they fear... they're not afraid of something they don't know but of all that they do.
The same goes fo adults we don't really fear what we dont know coz we dont really know what it is or when and where its coming from and by the time something different or new  happens to us we so busy dealing with it we dont even realise that we were meant to fear it..

So what we really fear isn't the unknown but all that we know... we fear Monsters...Helplesness.....and Evil....
Because we know they exist and truthfully that scares us all....

F0OL

He's lookin at me as if confused
Not seeming to comprehend what I'm telling him..
How could he be surprised??
How could he not have expected this..?
He must of known it was comin..
Had some inkling...
And yet still he stands before me as if waiting for me to shout April fools!
Well I won't!!!
And the only fool here is him!!
Staring at me like I'm confused!
I'm not !!
I know what I said and why
We haven't known each other long
But he should learn quickly ..
Or he may learn to regret the consequences!!
This is not a drill ..
I am Not jokin.!
Now listen clearly when I speak and hear everything I say!!
I want freaking fries with that ;) lol

Just Today

So today i'm seated at the computer tryin to decide what i would like to express in my blog...
Should i mention how today was my first day at my new job...
interesting...
but nothing too major to write home about..
Although my boss did ask me to drive his toyota hilux to the garage on my very first day at work...
interesting....
luckily the day seemed to fly as my new office is so quiet i imagined i could hear the footsteps of past and deceased tenants...
the bosses are cool...
interesting.....
after that mostly i spoke to my aunt and friends all of whom were interested in hearing how my day was going and went...
i told them...
interesting....
lol...
with regards to my previous post theres still no apology from that aforementioned friend
i doubt there ever will be,,,,
which is sad but not so interesting....
I'm of the opinion that everything happens for a reason
whether we see it or not doesnt mean its not there...
and that statement can be applied to so many things!!!
like that damn tooth fairy who still owes me money!!!
bloody cheapskate!!! :) lol
Anyway what i'm trying to say is that my day wasn't very interesting but i lived through it and tomorrow i get to go back and do it all over again !
Things will get us down but what we've all just got to learn is that they won't keep us down for long and we should never wish to stay down!
my favorite quote is one by Muhommed Ali -courage is measured not by how many times you go into the ring and fall down but by how many times you get back up again..
I hope you always remember that inside of each of you is courage more powerful then the sun
all you need to do is realize it
let your courage shine through friends....
mwahs
ciao 4 now

Expectations

You know that whole Do unto others as you would have them do unto you is actually a load of bull!!
Things don't really work like that!
I could treat you like a king whereas you may simply treat me as your pauper.
I could be open and honest and you could tell me only lies!!
In this I'm speakin from experience!
I'm a straight forward person who likes to know the truth straight up.how can you hope to progress upon a lie..?
Very recently it was revealed that someone I believed to be my friend who as such should of been completely honest with me was not!!and was makin assumptions based on other peoples information without even botherin to confirm the facts!
This is not kindergarten
We are not kids going he said she said!!
To the one I believed was a friend simply reveal your true nature first in the future so at least One will know what to expect.
And for all the rest.. Be weary of those you let into your life and to whom you give the power of being able to affect you!
Not everyone deserves it and some should never even try.
Suffice it to say that this rude awakening to the true nature of devious mortals left me speechless!
I Expected More!!

If only..

I'm spinnin with my arms above my head...
I'm twirlin round and round...
Such joy within...
So much life..
Love...
Happiness...
Euphoric...
Ecstatic...
I'm overwhelmed..
With everythin..
All that I'm thinkin.. Feelin..
I'm in awe..
Amazed at the beauty surroundin me..
The way the world pulses with life around me..
I'm so minuscule to the Grand scheme of things
And yet.......
I feel my own power radiatin from within me..
I feel as if my arms can touch and rearrange the skys..
That my laugh can bring forth the sun and moon..
To feel so powerful..
As if what I do or say has a sway...
Wow
If only...

Yesterday..

Yesterday I loved you
Yesterday I gave you my heart and promised you forever
Yesterday I took your hand and we started to plan
Yesterday I thought I knew what tomorrow would bring
I thought we had forever
I thought yesterday would be today.
I thought I knew
I thought I was right
But Today I'm here
And You are so Yesterday
You're where I've been
This is where I am.
Yesterday I loved you but that was just yesterday.
Today I dnt wanna reminisce
Don't wanna relive my yesterday
Can't stay in yesterday
When I'm living in today
I loved you yesterday
But today is here and tomorrow is comin
So yesterday is where you need to stay. :) mwahs
Goodbye to Yesterday..

My Song

There's this song inside of me.
The words of which I do not know
A melody that's moving
At a pace so beautifully tuned to me.
There's this song within me
Sounding softly can you hear me...?
I feel it playin constantly
A song of hope and misery.
A song of life and symphony.
There's this song deep inside
A song I cannot hide
Nor do I wish to...
This is my Song

My Storn

As I stand in the middle of a field.
With my arms outstretched to the heavens.
My Gaze is held Captive by the fury of the storm.
As lightning flashes all around me,
As the thunder surrounds me.
Heavens magnificence enthralls me.
The splendor of something so untamed,so wild in its passion.
In the very essence of it,excites me.
The lightning though at a distance,
Encircles me in its beauty,encircles me in its majesty.
I am one with the storm.
As I stand in this field with my arms outstretched and shout to the heavens "here I am".
Its as if the heavens itself are saying.....








We know!!

So True

Today I learnt a truth.
A scary truth about you.
A truth so obvious
Its like I should of knew
A strangely hurtful truth
That scared me straight to Hell
Cause with this truth I finally saw
What was there all along.
Blinded by who knows what
I failed to see
What was right there in front of me.
And yes I blame you to.
For you failed to be
As truthful and honest as me!!
This is the truth
That u have failed to comprehend
That truth is more important to me
Then life,love and you will ever be!!

Into the Dark

For a moment I looked into the abyss and all I could see was endless darkness.
Like a stretched out snake,the long line of black was all that lay before me.
Fear of blindness held me still while fear of the unknown kept me silent.
What mysteries lay in the black unknown.what hidden secrets was the dark concealing.
Morbid thoughts began to plague me as the silence engulfed me.
There are No comforting sounds echoing in the distance,no ray of distant light.
There is only the dark and silent abyss before me.
Tormenting me in its loneliness and threats of the unknown.
The thought that there is nothing to fear from the dark slips weakly from my mind.
no words of comfort now are near powerful enough to overcome the reality of this darkness..
I am rendered mute by the very essence of it.
I blink my eyes rapidly in the vague and slim hope that it is simply a mistake..a simple glitch in my optical wiring.
My palms begin to sweat at the lack of any form of support to grasp onto.
Even the air seepin into my lungs seems to be oppressive and thinned by this darkness.
My body begins to feel cold and clammy as my fear starts to gain on me
I feel paralysed.strugglin within myself to manage even the most simplest task of movement.
The dark has me within its grasp
So all consumin
So overwhelmin I'm drownin in this abyss.I want to go back!
I want the light
The noise
Not this!
Not this constant
This bleakness,so powerful so enveloping
Wait!!
Stop!!
Let me go back
I'm graspin for somethin.
Somethin to hold onto
Graspin for air
For courage
For anything to save me from this endless darkness.
Breathe...!!!
I inhale deeply hopin for clarity
Hopin for a reprieve from this oppression.
Yet Still I face this void.
This very dark mysterious void that makes me feel as if its sucking away the very essence of me.
I am afraid
I wanna shout it out loud
Perhaps to forestall whatever predator lays in wait out there celebratin at my fear..relishing in my terror.
Its gettin so hard to breathe I feel as if the black is startin to suffocate me
Squeezin tighter and tighter
It is no longer just visual.
I feel as if the the dark is seepin into me
Takin over my body
Rendering me helpless,immobile and weak.
I feel the weakness within me like a physical pain.
Tears gather in my eyes too afraid to do more then fill and slip silently down my face
I imagine them to be tracks of light highlightin blatantly the power my tormentor has over me..
So afraid to wipe at them ..
How victorious my tormentor must feel
To witness my very submission
While Inside I'm screamin
Wantin to,needin to,not knowin how or what to do !
Help... whispers softly in my mind..
But Who would help me now..
Who could?
No!!
This darkness is mine!
I can do this !
I will!!
I blink the last remnants of tears from my eyes and physically force myself to inhale and exhale deeply.
Now
I must!!
First a finger
It moved...
Swiping gently at my face.
No more lines highlightin my pain.
No more still...
I feel the blood flowin through my veins as if awakened by the simple movement of my fingers wipin away my tears.
I feel my toes wriggling in my shoes lettin me know they're still there waitin.. willin.. Wantin..
I can do this
I say over and over again in my mind till the strength and force of that belief has me utterin it out loud.
You will not win!!
You can not beat me!
This I scream into the black
Its as if a tidal wave of strength and courage is washin over me leavin me empowered and brave.
I take another breath dizzy and euphoric at the realization it no longer feels oppressive.
I wave my hands childishly and freely in front of me just for the freedom of being able to do so
Hahahaha
My laugh echoes into the dark
Its as if the weakness I felt just a moment ago was never there at all
Hahahaha
I laugh again
Ecstatic now at the reality of my freedom
How can it be that just a moment ago I was too scared to even cry out loud??
But this is not the time for questions .
Right now I feel victorious and free
I feel as if I'm about to float away I'm so giddy with joy.
Its time.
Time to move
I've faced this abyss for long enough
And yes it almost beat me
It almost won
But its over now
Now I'm winnin
I'm movin
I gaze one last time into the Dark abyss
I recognize it for what it is,and the power it had over me
But now its done.
Its time is up and in the end the dark abyss failed to consume me.
I smile gently at the blackness
Then confidently and surely turn to walk away almost blinded by the light that was there behind me all along..
And as I walk into the warmth of that light lettin it envelope me just like the dark was doin just moments ago I find joy in the feeling of bein comforted instead of afraid and terrorised.and as my last memories of the dark abyss start to fade and melt away I feel grateful for findin the strength to turn and walk away.I smile
I am at peace :)

The Rain

Tonight I inhale a deep breath..
A chest full of sweet rain kissed air..
Its Raining...
The sound of the drops hittin my roof soothes me
So gentle and calmin..
A light pitter patter that lulls me
More effectively then the most common of lullabys..
I find the rain spectacular...
A miracle in itself..
To have somethin so pure..
Freely given from the heavens,
Drenchin me in its splendor
As if washin away the old and revitalizin my soul..
I love the Rain
Like a miracle
It comes to cleanse and renew us all
Bringin forth not only a cleansing purity but life in itself...
Silently I sit by my window and watch the beauty of it before me..
I am in awe of being able to witness something so vital to us all..
Silently the rain gifts us..
Sadly few realize this..
When the dawn touches the sky
Most will not even recall the rains presence tonight..
But its gift not instantly revealed will continue on.
secretly serving us all..
But the hour grows late and the drops slow to a trickling mist..
The show is almost over..
As the last of the fine mist settles soothingly over the ground outside I say my final farewells and give thanks..
I recognize and appreciate your gift..
Goodnight and thank you..

###***##***##***###

*Very often we don't realize that somethin that may be seen as insignificant could have deeper repercussions and could affect us in the grand scheme of things..the point of this note is to remind us all to look at the Bigger picture and recognize and be grateful for all we would normally take for granted#The Rain Represents Us All..*