The Facades of You

You all have Facades,The faces you show of the person you claim to be.
You all have secrets,The Reality behind the facade.
You betray those you call friend,
You hurt those you call Love and You envy those you call foe.
You betray your own words
You claim to have Faith,To be True and Good.
Yet you spread the stories,You take whats not yours,You lie...
You demean words such as Love and Honour
You're Jealous,Greedy and Dishonourable
and Yet still you would have us show support of you
You Hurt others and yet would have us show care when you are hurt
You lie,But would have us care when you are lied to
You do not respect the sanctity of Love and Honour
But would have us respect you..
You are faithless in your faithful facade
You pretend..
To love,To care,To be Faithful and True
So watch now as I pretend to be friend to you.

What say you?

What Say you... When the war Gong goes And the soldiers march.. And the enemies draw near.. What Say you... When the Light goes out When Darkness comes and evil prevails And When the final battles lost... What say you... When the crowd draws near When stones are held and the first drop of blood is started What say you.... When all's destroyed No more hope. No love , No honor What say you... Nothing.....

One of a kind lady

He calls her stupid
Laughs when she falls
He's got all of his friends pointing at her.
When she tells him she loves him,he sneers at her words.
Makin her cry whenever he's bored


She never complains,
Doesn't say a word.
Even though you know she must really hurt.
She keeps that smile on her face
Her head held up high
She even whispers to him,baby you still my guy


She's got her pride,knows her heart to be true.so she keeps on smiling even long after they through...


because she's a 1of a kind lady.the kind you won't meet.she's got your moms recipe for gravy and your dads fav stories.she makes you dinner every night.keeps your house all clean,she even packs you a lunch with a bag of jelly beans.


He thinks because he's rich,and the way the chics chase him,that he's better off without her,and his friends all agree.he couldn't say the words tho because deep down he knew.so he kept on pushin till she finally made the move.


This one of a kind lady she gave her guy 1last shot,she said baby I love you,not coz you rich or hot.I loved you soul deeply but I can't love you anymore so here's your choice..me or the whores...


And the 1 of a kind lady you know the kind you won't meet.whose got your moms recipe for gravy and your dads fav stories.that makes you dinner every night.and keeps your house all clean.she stood right before him and still she waited for him...


And. when he couldn't look in her eyes,couldn't bother to reply she smiled her 1 of a kind smile and she kissed her guy goodbye.


The 1 of a kind lady the one he just lost.whose got his moms recipe for gravy and his dads fav stories.who made him dinner every night.and kept his house all clean.she's not around anymore.perhaps it wasn't clear...the 1of a kind lady she's now moving with me...

Loving me..

I mistrust the compliments,
I mistrust everyone to a certain degree
But most of all I'm so lonely its like all I can do is scream
Lookin in the mirror starin into my own eyes and hopin desperately that some how some way it'll all be different
That I'll be different and someone will love me
And finally I won't be so alone ,I'll finally be loved for me
Because deep down I know the truth
That loving me is hard even when its just me lovin me..

Inner light

Always remember to let your inner light burn bright.
Even when those around you try to overwhelm you,,
Remember this...
Moths are always drawn towards the beauty of a flame.,
But eventually the brightest light destroys them.

Sometimes

It gets a bit too much sometimes,,
Holding the facade..
Smiling through the pain..
Sometimes your words are weapons,
Your ignorance a shame.
Most times you do not see it
Nor feel in anyway,
How much your actions hurt me.
And drives me so insane.
My acting skills grow weary
My trust in you destroyed
My very facade crumbles
And leaves me lost in pain
Sometimes...

Sorrow

Sorrow doesn't share its warmth
Its not a friend you lean on
Sorrow stands alone
In the midst of your despair
And rejoices in your misery

I am not Afraid

I am not afraid.
Though my enemies wear smiles
And victoriously draw near
I am not afraid.
Though death looks on
And celebrates and cheers
I am not afraid.
For out of darkness shall I flee
For of the light I have seen
And when the morning comes
Fear shall fear me!

No Reason

You don't need a reason to feel sad,
You don't need a reason to cry
You don't need a reason to smile,
To laugh or Love
You don't need a reason.
So be sad when u want to,,
Cry..
Smile and laugh..
But most of all love!
Because though you don't need a reason to love..
Love is reason enough for me.

So Easily Deletable

Why am I so easily deletable??

What terrible deed did I commit in a past life to now be treated this way?

I have tried to accept others no matter their differences

I have tried to be a good friend

I have tried to show and prove to others how much I care

So why this…

Why this constant torment and never-ending pain?

Why this constant degradation

Why am I constantly left to feel inferior and worthless?

I know I have issues and I act stupidly sometimes.

I know I talk too much but truly are those really so bad that everyone around me forgets me when I’m not there?

Why am I so easily deletable?

My greatest desire is to be loved...

How pathetic is that...

Others want princes and jewels

Palaces and fast cars and all I want is someone who wants my heart

I’m so tired of being worthless so tired of being unwanted

I am alone

I am constantly alone

There is no one who truly knows me, and I can honestly say that because no one knows how worthless I feel

No one knows how lonely I am or how unwanted I’m made to feel

I am screaming inside my screams are so loud they are ripping me to shreds.

And no one knows this because the truth is no one really cares enough to look

There is no point to life if you have no one to share it with, no one who gets your madness and understands your highs and lows.no one to joke you out of the bad and dance with you for the good. No one to say yes you’re completely cracked but I love you anyway...

So my life holds no meaning since not even the one I first gave my heart to felt even half of that for me, how pathetic does that make me…

Why am I so easily deletable? And why can’t it work the same for me?

Why can’t I move on like people don’t exist…like I never cared…why can’t I be the one making others feel worthless for a change?

I’m so tired of being the reject, the one no one wants

I stand and look around and even those that are unhappy in love are better off than me, because happy or not at least they have someone, I can’t even find someone I want, willing to date me let alone put up with my craziness and love me..

Forget Coach Carters Thoughts, my greatest fear is that I am inadequate

Inadequate to be loved, to be accepted, if I am too different for this world then why am I here ? What is the point??If no one will ever get me then why is love the one thing I hold most dear...why do I want love if no one can ever love me?

I am pointless.

One might say that every life has a purpose that we all hold meaning, but I am standing at the edge and begging for release

I have never seen the journeys path I merely followed the wind. But now I am standing here and the winds not blowing and still I cannot see.

Truthfully I cannot do it anymore,I have tried, I have been friends to those that are different to me, I have tried to love unashamedly, but I am not accepted. I have never been loved, and that hurts me most of all...

My life holds no meaning without love and I am constantly going without

So tired of the hey ya you’re great and sexy but talkative and crazy and no just friends. And no sorry not gonna happen. I’m chasing dreams holding onto a hope that everyone has a true love that’s meant to be. And right about now reality just caught up with me.

So again I say why am I so easily deletable...

When no one I know and love has ever been deleted by me?

For Those That Remember...

I wrote about love once
how it beautifully began
the way it made me feel
and then with tears streaming down my face
I wrote of the end.
In a World of fake my one truth is this
Love is Beautiful
It's special
And Vday is the day we celebrate what we feel
But there is also always those that celebrate the end
The hard,cold ,final end,When hope no longer remains
And after the end,Vday is just not so grand anymore
for most its the memories.
the echoes of happiness that faintly whisper in the back of the mind
reminding one that once,
once there was joy and love
and then there came the end
Remember...
This day is for those with the memories of truth
where their Love will always remain Safe.
NeverTrulyEnding.
Loving Endlessly <3

Wishes

So many Eyelashes..
Countless shooting stars
Wishbones,
Birthday candles,
Prayers
And more
I feel I simply cannot wish anymore
There is no magic chances
No answered dreams galore
Its merely me wishing wishes
And wishing to have to no more..

Suicide

The knife was there
The blade so sharp
My wrist lay bare and inviting
One little slit
Is all it took
To leave this world
Without fighting.
They think me weak,
Perhaps I am.
But they didn't have to feel it...
The endless struggle
The ever pain
My hope was just depleted.
So yes I did it
I truthfully admit
Perhaps some courage was all it took
I left this world
No long Goodbye
No see you soon
I broke your heart regardless
It wasn't you I left
It wasn't even me..
Perhaps I died so long ago
I doubt I'd even known
But when I made the slit
For a moment the world,
It parted..
And I regretted every missed
And beautiful moment I'm not part of.
My sadness shall remain.
But for you I wish much more.
There was no hope for me,as hope was there no more.
But within you lies a future..
A journey to be taken
Do not be the coward I was
I wish your hope is never shaken.
Live my love for me
As I am here no more..
But from my journeys end
I hope you learn much more
That life is neverending
Even when the goodbyes are left unsaid.
Its harder once its started.
But so worth it in the end

She..

She does not understand
That she truly holds command
Her smiles her sneers her tears
All make me show my hand.
Perhaps I am the puppet
And her the puppeteer
But if she'd only love me
I'd bend my head in cheer..

Nightly Shadows

Sometimes when I'm awake and alone at night
I whisper words to soothe
I tell myself a story
And hope no fears intrude
I dream of far off places
Of princely knights and Castles.
Sometimes I sing out loud
To drown out all the shadows
It doesn't work that often
But when it does I'm saved
For my nightly shadows often leave me so afraid..

Journeys End

Through the darkness I have walked.
Many Shadows have I fought
Battles lost and won.
Places and people,been and gone
The journey wasn't easy
It wasn't even ok
It was a struggles,struggle
An unnamed war for me to bear
But I arrived victorious
Finally enveloped in light,
Where no shadows dwell
And battles are faintly remembered.
The places are for keeps
And the people here to stay
The journeys finally over
The Destination is here :)

Not Personal*

Did you know that there's this completely untrue fabled myth that not everything is personal...
Seriously!
Some idiots really expect you to believe that...
Really expect you to accept all that goes on simply with the understanding that its not personal...
Well here's an unknown newsflash-It sure as hell is!!
Of course it's personal!! how can it not be??
Anything relating to a person is personal,anything that effects a person emotionally is personal!
That whole not personal hogwash is just that-complete and utter hogwash!!

Do you really wanna know what's worse than being told somethings not personal,,having that same idiot who told you that completely miss the fact that to you it is.

and yes one can say they didnt mean for things to get personal..
but how can they claim not to understand that once something affects your emotions-to you it's very personal!

So here's my advice,,
The next time someone tells you that whatever they did wasn't personal and to you it was..
Well then i want you..
To smack them in the face!!
Yes that's right I said it,,Smack them in the Face!!
and while you at it you might as well kick their legs.
No seriously smack and kick them!
Then maybe next time they won't be so quick to say somethings not personal when it really is and maybe the physical attack will let them feel exactly how one feels when a "not" personal something happens.

Because when it's personal and it so often is ..
Well it hurts!
And one might as well not hurt alone ;)

So Happy Smackings Everyone :)

The Next Chapter..

Dear not Really sure who (but anyway)


I started blogging not long after my last serious ex and I broke up,
It was my release,my unleashing of all the pain (hence the name)
however this was not my first blog,,
The first blog I started unfortunately suffered that not so uncommon fate of the irretrievable password (sad but true)
However I remained Resolute and the reality of this blog was born.


Did you know that When one begins a blog,there is a momentary pause,a moment when every hateful,hurtful and hopeless thing you ever wanted to let loose,fights valiantly to the surface of your consciousness in the vain attempt to finally achieve it's release.
And for that moment you ponder your options,,


Should one simply give in to the inevitable explosion of the horrifying reality that lies clamourously within you?? (it would be so easy- a few strokes here and there an easy enter and boom,your inner secrets revealed)
Or does one do (yet again) the polite thing ?
Bottling it all up again and writing some mundane trivia on shall we say the weather...
Inevitably we all know that there'll be a release,a not so subtle explosion of tragic feelings from a forgotten cause (or not so forgotten,depending on the victim)Whereby every past grievance comes out to play
A frightening game of duck duck goose,not it.Or pass the buck as they'd say in days gone by.


And so,for that infinitesimal moment I pondered My predicament and all the choices I had made that had brought me to that point.And as my fingers hovered over the key board,so tempted to begin.I begun the journey that would lead to some surprising discoveries of not only who I am but also What I am (I am not an alien for all you Imaginative Dumbasses!!)


So for those who've taken the time to actually read my blog will no doubt guess ,I decided on option 3(yes I know I didnt list an option 3,get over it)
Option 3 consisted of me doing everything in option 1,releasing all the bottled up hurts and pains but with the slight benefit of option 2 without the backlash (well I maintain my hope in that regard )
In lamens terms I released my pain through my writing but I didnt attack those responsible for causing the pain.
The truth is,when one really takes the time to think about it,is that the pain one feels and the overwhelming thirst for revenge is nothing compared to the eventual release of that pain,when one finally gains the courage to realize that though some uncaring and despicable fool had the audacity to hurt you,in the end they do not have the power to heal you again (only you do)
You alone have control,so when you get over the injustice of it all and wipe all your tears away,after all the anger dissipates.be prepared to go on the journey of your life,for the release of the past brings forth the joys and excitement and all the unpredictability of the future.And yes of course you'll still have bad days but the reality is even those are within your power to resolve.


There was hatred before,doused in pain and consumed by jealousy it was hard to see the way out.So very hard to maintain the happy front,that smiling exterior that fooled so many.
But as the saying goes where there is a will there's a way and My will is and was very strong.
I kept so many blinded by my smile that eventually It had me screaming inside (can you not see,look closely!!)
But that was then and this is now..and this is not a release of all my past grievances,,that ship sailed,sunk resurfaced and got washed away.(I know kinda funny,but true.)
This is the journey's path,the final chapter in an otherwise elusive end
The goodbye to all the once hoped for and held dear notions that became the shackles to the future.


Quite simply Dear Reader (if you're there)
this is just the final thank you's,which though normally at the beginning of a story are at the end of mine.
This does not mean I will quit writing,of course not! nor will this be the end of my blog,nope. this is merely the beginning of the next chapter,the second act of my life .
So thank you to my Inspirations,the ex who inspired me to begin a blog to begin with even if decapitating him was really my first choice.
The friends and family and even strangers who have all had a role in inspiring some of my works.and have sweetly cheered me on.
and finally to words themselves for never leaving me without a line.


So Onwards towards the future..
Farewell past,,The Next Chapter has Begun..

Awakened Future

Caring Friend

We try to look for those that care
The ones that say hey my friend I'm here..
someone who does more than talk,they listen!
and shows an interest of what they hear.
The one who cares enough to ask,
the one who proves they know your heart.
It does not mean fawning over..
Merely willin to offer a shoulder,
A tissue,an ear
perhaps a fist when enemies are near.
its not that much to ask for..
not even close
it's simply a matter of keepin one close.
Of provin we're dear,
And reminding one that theres always a reason to cheer.
A friend who knows your heart and cares
Will shine a light when darkness nears.

I'm My one

I was broken
Stripped bare and shattered
The one responsible simply walked away
Showing how little I truly mattered.
How little he cared.
And then the darkness came..
So alone and lost..
Finding it so hard to breathe,to move ,to live..
Feelin all that pain
Havin no one..
No one to talk to..
To turn to..
To be comforted by...
Till I lay in the dark all alone with tears streamin down my face
And my pain rippin out of my very soul.
I was broken..
So alone..
And no one even knew it..
Or cared enough to..
No one cared enough to ask..
To care..
To love me..
I was left broken and shattered..
He walked away..
Didn't look back..
Didn't care..
And so I cried...
I felt like a special part of me died..
My hope my love -destroyed.
What did his desertion make me
How unworthy am I..
If after all these years not one..
Not any..
No love for the shattered,
The ones that never mattered..
I was one..
Even after all this time still none..
But I'm my one.
My only..
When no one else will love
Love Alone.

Candles Glow

Like the flame of a Candle the light shone proudly
Bright and beautiful for all to see
Spreading Warmth and Joy
and Keeping Darkness at bay.
The Candles Glow..
was there for all to know
For everyone to share in
And a chance to show who cares.
but the wicks been spent,
the wax all gone.
and now the candle is heaven sent
But its light will linger
the Memory lasts
none shall forget
of Ones True Candles Glow.

My Day

For just that one day,
I want the world to stand up and take notice,
I want the people around me to recognize that day..
To know and view it as my day,
I want the ones who claim to love and care for me,
To show me so,,on that day..
To have them understand my need to have it be my day.
And for just that One day,
I want to feel like its all about me.
that for that day I'm special..
I want that day...
When that days my day
And Only My day.

Wrong Path

If your life is constantly filled with Drama,
If you cannot walk a day without stumbling,
If you have more tears than laughter
And if every good day leaves you in terror for the next bad one,,
If every smile is strained...
Every hope diminished..
And every dream compromised..
Know that the path you're on is not your own.
It wouldn't hurt as much if it were.
It doesn't have to be easy..
It just has to be right for you
And eventually....
Eventually,it'll be worth it.